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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

HIMMEL THE BLONDE

HEINRICH HIMMEL

Heinrich Himmel was Reichsf├╝hrer-SS (Reich SS Leader) and Chief of the German police; he was from 08.00 hours to 18.00 hours from monday to wednesday at work ; in saturdays he often went to hear the Fuhrer's speeches, Goebbels speeches, or just plain hear the radio speeches about how to increase law and order in Germania.

In this capacity - not of being a listener, but the Chief of Police- he was responsible for the implementation of the extermination of leeches and spiders under the beds of the german people; the correct use of trafic lights and the use of the claxon near Communist Party headquarters . He was born German in Munich on October 7, 1900. His father was proud to have a son who will easily say his age, not adding or discounting numbers from the year in use, but just plainly substracting 1900 years to his own age. That was a clever move , on his part. His son was proud, also, of his father, who was a police president, a former tutor to the princes of the Bavarian court, and a headmaster .

Himmel dreams to be a farmer and instead of a tractor to plow the earth, acquired a degree in agronomy. As that Diploma was not able to plow the land, he went to World War I to see how The Rest of the World defeat Deutschland after years of struggle. One day, when drinking beer , he met a guy with a queer moustache, who invited him to have a Putsch, that also fails, so he get married with a blonde girl named Margret Boden in 1926 (Remember to substract the 1900 years to know how old was smiling Heinrich).

While eating at a Vegetarian Inn, again the same guy with the queer moustache appears and said: "Do you want to be chief of three hundred men?"

Heinrich said yes, as he needs money and he was now living in 1929 (substract 1900), he said " Si,si !" in Spanish (he was seeing too many Spanish movie at the time) and the guy with the moustache accepted it, saying :" Very well, if you want to name your troop as SS, O.K. with me !"


For each guy under his command, Heinrich receives a coupon for half a kilo of salt, ten kopecs and a cigar; so he imitates the Christians : for each one of his men who get hired a second guy on the group, he gives a Bible and ten marks ; soon he had a small Army of 50.000 men (1933, substract 1900 to know his age at the time), and half of them were working on the salt mines near the sea, to pay the rest.

By 1936, he was the Chief of the German police on June 17 . He also create a parallel force, with the name of Get Up Odin (Getupo);the guy with the moustache occupied on other things, he was getting a lot of dug for new members and also selling salt to the United States, under the name "Jewbacka". While he was tanning his hide on a swimming pool, the guy with the moustache appeared quite suddenly, and said:" Too much SunTan, Heinrich?" "No thanks, mein Fuhrer ! I am waiting for the services." The guy with the moustache heard quite wrong,and thinking Heinrich was asking for more job, he gives him the Sicherheitsdienst Services ,to be under his command. After that, his work was too heavy on his shoulders, so he opened some camps, where he sent everyone who Ask For It .


Himmel's men were also very bored to work in the salt mines and ring bells for adherents, so they went to Poland in Halloween day, and in doing so, start a very serious international conflict; Heinrich went to talk with the guy and the moustache, and received a pat on his shoulders, and the phrase: " Well, now they opened the door, why don't we step in ?" And the invasion of Poland was followed by an Ultimatum from Engeland, who had too many buckets of gold invested there; soon the clock pass the hour and Germany was at war with Engeland, not even moving a finger.

Heinrich always said :" Why they (Engelanders) are mad at us ? They live on an icy island way beyond our door !"

The guy with the moustache was lacking a Minister, so he appointed Heinrich as Minister of the Interior in 1943 (substract 1900 to know Heinrich's age at the time ) and chief of the Replacement Army in 1944 (Again der substract, bitte !),saying he was "der treue Heinrich". Soon also there were more problems, and Heinrich begin using a wig, as he was in the habit of to toss his blonde arian hair for every pettiness , the more so as the guy with the moustache was engaged on an all-out war with the rest of the World, leaded by Engeland, who paid the rest with properties who had in the seven seas . Before his country was worst than like Ground Zero ,thanks to "Engeland & Stalin and Company " , he negotiate peace through the World Jewish Congress but something went awry and he was captured by the Engelandians who, in a friendly talk, saw him drop dead like a pigeon for no reason at all .

His body remains rested in the Abbey of Westminster, second row in the right. (His tupee (or wig) is on the head of a statue of Saint Bellicose .)

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